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| that was, without a doubt, the greatest four days of my life.
i went to fergus, which is a suburb of guelph. that's where danielle's been since she left in august, and where she'll be until she leaves for kenya next week. i surprised her on friday morning; she was under the impression that i'd be arriving while she was at work, but i managed to get there 15 minutes before she left for work. putting my arms around her again was the most relieving experience i've ever had.
i could talk about what we did, but, honestly, the entire weekend was just little details that made for the most beautiful time. there were a couple things of note, though:
- talent show. her team put on a talent show in neighbouring elora. she got together all the girls in the group, and they sang a courage song that originated from one of the first nations in the area, but eventually made it out to her people in tsimshian and haisla territory. i'm unbelievably proud of that girl.
- taking kenyans and tanzanians ice skating. oh, the hilarity. it was even more entertaining than taking bailey skating in december.
we came to some important conclusions over the course of the weekend, too:
- i've decided i'm not going to university next fall. there's a whole load of reasons, like the overwhelming nature of classes and work, the stifling environment, and things like that. but, most importantly, i'm tired of saying goodbye to her; she's not going to school, either, so that sealed the deal for me. i don't know what we'll do, and i don't know how my family is going to feel about that, but let's cross that bridge when it comes.
- danielle and i are driving to fergus in the spring/summer to get tattoos. yessss.
- i really, really love her. everyone's probably sick and tired of hearing about her, but i can't put into words how much i truly cherish this girl.
i just can't wait for her to get home so the rest of our lives can begin. february 8th can't come soon enough | | |
| it's been a while since i've written any kind of personal blog. here goes.
it seems like i've only got one thing going for me lately. danielle really is the most important thing in my life right now; if it weren't for her, i'm not sure what kind of destroyed mental state i've been in. i think what's sad is some people mistake my being happy and in love with this wonderful girl with being avoidant and not giving a shit. that really fucking hurts, you know, when someone accuses you of being a bad friend for not being able to read someone's mind. or being too busy to "be a friend." fuck you. and that brings me to my next point..
i hate university. quite honestly, i've never been this miserable in my life. the classes aren't for me; they're too intense, too difficult, i'm too stupid, and this environment is just stifling, choking, constricting. i feel like i'm on this path towards a serious mental breakdown, like it's only a matter of time before i collapse in a hallway and start kicking and screaming, culminating in me getting dragged off to a hospital of some sort. i'm nearly positive that this is going to be my only year at university, as it's been a collosal waste of time and money. i would much rather be working, be travelling, and be with her. and i don't care what anyone thinks of me for saying that; friends and family are supposed to be supportive, and those are dwindling. my parents have implicitly said to me that they fully expect (and will be incredibly disappointed if i fail to do this) to return to university next year. mom was relatively shocked when i told her that i have 38% in calculus. yes, that's right: 38%. i'm bombing one third of my classes right now, completely and thoroughly.
i'm getting a job soon, if things play out the way i want them to. and i'll work through the spring, and save up to go somewhere with her. at least she'd be proud of me; i'd finally be doing something for myself for a change. and i'm going to do that. i'm tired of living for everyone else, and getting walked all over so frequently. i get taken advantage of and underappreciated (some situations would even call for the usage of the word 'unacknowledged'), and i'm really fucking tired of it. i'm taking myself back, and everyone can just bloody well deal with it.
i can't wait to see her at the end of the month. that's what's keeping me going right now.
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| what in the fuck is wrong with me? i have the greatest girlfriend anyone ever could have asked for (i fell asleep driving and nearly crashed the other night at two in the morning..she got a lift from her mom to where i pulled over on the highway and spent the night at my house just to make sure i got home okay..also, i'm going up to northern b.c. on tuesday in order to go to some family feasts beind held in her honour), all my friends are around at the same time for a change, and tomorrow is our wonderful annual mini-golf party in our backyard. why do i let my mom's crankiness get to me so much? and how come i'm so fucking jealous of little, insignificant things? | | |
| hey, bailey. beijing says hello.
if anyone really cares, i'm going to come back to this nice, cheap internet cafe tomorrow (5 yuan for an hour..that's less than a dollar!) and post up my itinerary. it's pretty exciting, and includes a slough of overnight train trips, as well as a night sleeping on a floor in the tibetan grasslands. nice. | | |
| i am now officially off to beijing. hopping in the car and stuff, you know.
if your name is bailey, send me an email. stat. webmaster at n1a. see you in new york. | | |
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